{"id":8716,"date":"2022-10-09T07:39:42","date_gmt":"2022-10-09T07:39:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mangliks.com\/matrimonial-blog\/?p=8716"},"modified":"2022-10-09T09:48:11","modified_gmt":"2022-10-09T09:48:11","slug":"why-checklists-are-a-good-idea-to-find-a-life-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mangliks.com\/matrimonial-blog\/why-checklists-are-a-good-idea-to-find-a-life-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"Why checklists are a good idea to find a life partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why checklists are a good idea to find a life partner<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Do you know what you expect from a partner? Is it a good idea to have a checklist<\/strong><\/a> for this purpose? Read on to see how best to use a checklist and also how to use it realistically.<\/p>Here\u2019s a little story I\u2019d like to tell you before we go into this post. Not too long ago, I made a checklist for myself- a checklist of what qualities I would like my potential partner to have. It contained the following- Must be artistic, have a serious hobby or absolutely love his job. And then I met someone who fit the bill, rather uncannily well. Lots of excitement and couple of dates later, I learned that the said person did not want to be \u2018emotionally involved\u2019. There ended my excitement and this story.<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n

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\"Why<\/a>
Why checklists are a good idea to find a life partner<\/strong><\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

While I\u2019m not one to judge another\u2019s preferences, it sure is to be said that from this encounter, a few lessons were learned. That, coupled with insights I have gained over time from the psychology of relationships, is what this post is going to be about.<\/p>Checklists are innate to humans. The activity of listing out tasks to complete and things to achieve before venturing out to actually doing them gives us a sense of calm in a chaotic world. While it may seem more obvious to use checklists in the context of everyday life, or even in planning out a major career move, making checklists to create an idea of a relationship is not all that unnatural. Even if you\u2019re not someone who has a real list called \u2018My Ideal Partner<\/strong><\/a>\u2019 pinned on your vision-board, you\u2019re most certain to have a general list of things you would like in your partner, tucked away at the back of your mind, at least.<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

So why checklists for relationships?<\/a><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Like in the context of everyday life, they help us get at least a vague idea of our needs. Relationship-checklists help us see what we seek from a relationship or in some ways even why we would like to be in a relationship, in the first place. For example, you might be someone with a list that says: The person I end up with must be ambitious, driven and respect my choices<\/em>. If you are someone who is driven and ambitious yourself, this list may reflect your need to share your independent, achievement-driven life with someone similar. Listing out these characteristics therefore makes it easier (and more fun) for you to proactively look out for them when you meet new people.<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
On the other hand, if you\u2019re someone with a relatively laidback approach to life and have the same checklist as above, you\u2019re probably seeking to be with someone who \u2018complements\u2019 that part of you. This is where having a checklist, or a set of decided \u2018criteria\u2019, can have a flipside. Like I mentioned in the post about similar v\/s complementary characteristics in couples, in wishing for the complementary in a relationship, you may run the risk of overlooking a basic reality that when you start off a relationship, having common goals, attitudes and styles of relating to each other always helps.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
The other extreme<\/a><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Many a time in our quest to chalk out our life\u2019s plans and to make these plans easily accessible, we may get tempted into creating a clearly defined image of the person we want to be with. Hard to imagine what could possibly go wrong in being too clear about what you want? Here\u2019s how it works. When you have a list of clearly defined characteristics that you are looking for in a potential partner, you are creating for yourself a utopian image of someone that\u2019s perfect for you. Consequently, nothing, or no one, may seem good enough. Whereas the truth is that relationships run on the principle of \u2018good-enough\u2019- that people are happiest together when a few basic, essential needs are met and when they prioritize these needs over preferences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Caution: Keeping a checklist \u2013 and not revising it<\/a><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Coming back to my own story, as I previously mentioned, there were two things that struck me the most. One, a list you make has to reflect not only what you want<\/em>, but also what you need<\/em>. I may most certainly want someone \u201cartsy\u201d and passionate, but it would also help to write down, however obvious, about my need for a serious, emotionally invested relationship. Two, a list has to be organic. As you go along your path of looking for someone to be with, it helps to be prepared to make changes to the list you carry with you. The list needs to evolve<\/em> along with you.<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s important to understand that checklists are not an unnecessary baggage that may lead us down the wrong path and neither are we better off plunging into relationships without any criteria in mind. Lists are good because they cater to the very human need of ensuring that an endeavor of any kind goes well. Having said that, these lists are subjective descriptions of what one would like and possibly dislike in another and no one can really judge what is right and wrong when it comes to defining the desirable. But what certainly helps us while we are in this quest, is having the knowledge of the differences between wants and needs, and an insight into what possible consequences any of the items on your checklist might entail.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to show that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.

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