Making small talk with a lady

Making small talk with a lady

You meet a nice lady at one of our social mixers. But suddenly, you feel tongue-tied. Mo & Jo have put forth a few suggestions on how to make small talk with a lady.

He is smart, confident and single – and is looking to be in a relationship. Ask him anything about his work and he can articulate the nature of his work, his clients and his achievements very clearly. On the personal front, he has varied interests – both indoors as well as outdoors.

Now put him in a social situation like a party or a social mixer or a date, and BAM! He feels as though his confidence is seeping through his very pores. He feels inept at making basic small talk with a girl he finds interesting. He is unsure of what to say and how to say it. All his varied interests that make him such a great person to know remain hidden in a cloak of silence. Sound familiar? Read on…

Here are a few simple suggestions that will show how simple it is to engage in a fun and pleasant conversation with a lady.

Be genuinely interested

Show that you really are keen to know more about lady. That goes a long way in building the right foundation by reflecting in your body language and your speech.


Introducing yourself with a smile is a great way to start off a conversation. After the other person has introduced themselves, saying their name while conversing, lets them know that you paid attention.

Keep it light

Sticking to light and positive topics like the reason why you two ended up at the same event, or work, or a mutual acquaintance, is a good way to ease into a conversation. Keeping it light doesn’t mean you should be flippant in your demeanor; it’s a huge turn-off for women.

Common ground

Chances are that you’ll discover one or two things, like a common hobby, or a shared interest, in common with the other person as you converse.

Engage the other person

The commonality that you’ve discovered is the basis for engaging the other person further. One sure-fire way of continuing the conversation is by asking open-ended questions that require an explanation, rather than questions with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ replies. Nothing fizzles out the conversation like ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer questions.

Listen to the other person

Focusing on what the other person is saying, and demonstrating it through verbal (follow-up questions, words of approval) and non-verbal (nodding, leaning forward) cues shows her that you’re not just hearing but listening.

End graciously

The ending of a conversation is as important as the beginning. The polite and gentlemanly thing to do is to say something along the lines of ‘It’s been good talking to you’ or ‘It was a pleasure meeting you…let’s stay in touch!’

Some final tips to get you in the groove:

  • Nobody is evaluating your performance; relax and enjoy
  • Keeping up with current topics like the latest news, TV shows, or movies is a safe bet
  • A smile is the shortest distance between two people, it is said; so smile!
  • Putting away your latest gadget and resisting the urge to check it during a conversation, earns you Brownie points with the lady
  • Facing your body towards the other person while maintaining a safe distance, shows your interest in them
  • Avoiding controversial topics like money, health, politics and religion in the initial conversations is for the best