Relationships & Commitment – How ready are you?

Relationships & Commitment – How ready are you?

The idea of getting into a relationship can seem like setting out on a journey of uncertainties. And oftentimes, it really is. However, asking yourself a few questions about what you are expecting from a relationship and what you are willing to give, can give you an idea about how ready you really are. Go ahead, surprise yourself!

Humans are social beings. Across our life spans, we need a whole variety of relationships that nurture and shape us in different ways. One of these is the romantic relationship, the kind that we look for when we feel we’ve probably reached a point in life where we could share the journey forward with someone. Of course, this need is never as simple and straightforward as it may sound, and there are several other factors that play a part in determining how ready we really are to plunge into a relationship that involves effort and commitment.

These factors are usually to do with the past, such as experiences and relationships from our childhood that have influenced our perception of the world in the present, and the future- our expectations from life and the goals we set. One of these factors could also be social expectations. In fact, an urban working professional today, man or woman, is likely to want to ‘settle down’, owing to the social norm that dictates that if you’re in your late 20s or early 30s and single, it’s probably a good time to change that. Of course it is far from the truth that being single is an unfavorable state to be in, but social expectations and norms can play a part in our choices, in very subtle yet strong ways.

Social pressure or not, happy being single or not, there is always potential for anybody to find someone to fall in love with. Here are some questions that you might like to ask yourself, to see how ready you are to take that plunge. Grab a note pad and a pencil and write down your responses to these questions. See where they take you…

How aware are you?

Of yourself, your needs, your patterns. Awareness of yourself and of how others relate to you is always a good starting point to see how you feel about being in a committed relationship.

  • What kind of activities do you enjoy the most? Are you an introvert who finds energy from within, or do you feel best when you’re around people you like?
  • How do you find yourself responding when something goes according to plan? Do you feel glad that things didn’t go too bad? Or do you usually feel your plans go well because   you were in charge? How do you feel when things go wrong?
  • What do you love the most about yourself? What makes you unique, special and irreplaceable?
  • How do you feel about your close circle of friends? How much of an influence are they in your way of life, and in what way?
  • If there was one thing that you could do differently in your past relationship(s), what would it be?

What do you expect from relationships?

Expectations from our partner as well as the relationship as a whole are reflections of what we need to feel fulfilled and secure in a relationship. All your experiences from the past and the lessons you have learned for yourself are unique to you, and therefore the expectations you develop of relationships are just as unique too.

  • How important do you feel is transparency within a relationship?
  • How much space do you expect to get from your partner?
  • What is your idea of sufficient time together as a couple?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how much would you expect your partner to be at ease with your own flaws? As for yourself, what are the possible flaws in your partner that you could allow yourself to compromise on?
  • How much financial responsibility do you expect your partner to share with you?  What about managing household chores?

What are you willing to invest in relationships?

So you are clear about your expectations from a relationship, now take a moment to think about what you are willing to contribute and give. Striking a balance between giving well and giving too much can be a determining factor in how happy you are.

  • How willing are you to be open about things from your past that you might not be proud of?
  • How forgiving do you feel you can be of your partner’s flaws and mistakes?
  • In times of high work-pressure, how emotionally available to your partner do you feel you can be?
  • To what extent might you be willing to compromise on your interests, in order to accommodate your partner’s? Can you imagine what might be a breaking point for you?

Having gone through the questions above, and considering you have thought about your answers to them, it is a safe assumption that you have an idea about how ready you are for a relationship yourself. While there is no specific score that you can give yourself about your ‘readiness’, the awareness of what you expect of a relationship and how much you are willing to invest in it, equips you with the ability to create a balance between the two.  As mentioned earlier, everyone has the potential to find someone to fall in love with. It is all but a matter of knowing yourself well, and being open to letting someone else in.